tha-thump

My favorite part of the day is walking through the park on my way to and from school. The sun is shining, (or it's not) or it's windy or raining. But no matter the weather, there are people out walking with their dogs (not on leashes) and playing with their children, and I think "Kimi Young was right. People do need each other. And life is really beautiful." And I spend the entire walk thinking about how wonderful life is and the experience of life is and how wonderful it is that we need each other.

And I was thinking about how atoms are just made up of protons and neutrons and electrons, and those are just made up of vibrating energy, which is probably sound. so all we are- all everything in the whole universe is- is empty space and sound, and isn't that nice that you and the sidewalk are exactly the same two things but also so different because somehow that empty space and sound formed people who need each other desperately, no matter what they might think.

Interesting fact:
An individual heart cell will beat all on its own, but if you put another one next to it, they will start beating in rhythm. I’m not making this up, you can verify it if you want.

I think heartbeats are awesome. No discussion, no argument about who will succumb to who's will or if that is following a historically masculinist-normative suppressive perspective. They just beat together, and if there are enough of them beating together they will make a heart which can keep a whole body alive. But it has to start with just those two, and I imagine that when they found each other they feel quite content to be beating together, because this is their purpose and they are full to the brim with what they just realized they always wanted to do and I bet they are sure they just couldn't be any happier. Until another heart cell comes along and they realize oh yes! they love that cell too, and the three of them beat together because they all need each other and there isn't any jealousy about who is closer because they all have a common goal and are just beating together. beating. beating. beating. And eventually they form a whole heart that can pump blood and give life and speed up and slow down.
and when that heart is complete I think the other cells don't feel left out, they just wait, excited for when they find another cell to beat with, and maybe the heart lets them stay with them until some can break off and start a new heart with three or four cells so that one doesn't feel lonely, and they wait, excited, loving, beating together. Beat. Beat. Beat.

and I wonder if people have that capacity too. If we could be walking down the road and instead of just passing people, start beating with them for just an instant, one or two beats- and not at all be overwhelmed with guilt that you can't be in the same heart or that you aren't next to each other. Connect. Beat. Beat. Beat. And feel totally happy and fullfilled and good because we are on the same page as another human (beat beat beat) and we are understood. and we if we could connect, if we were always checking in on each other, noticing that the people around us were human and being noticed I wonder if anybody would get away with anything sad at all. Because as it is we make sure not to beat with people we pass. We go out of our way to not smile or make eye contact or connect. we are very careful to pull ourselves in and it makes it difficult to learn to beat together when we decide that we want to again because we are so used to beating on our own that we forget it's a huge blessing to be able to understand and be understood and beat together in the same heart and pump blood and life into a dying world together, and since now we each have our own idea about which beat we should be on that some of us aren't entirely convinced that we are all the same type of cell, or that maybe we can do it on our own. But we can't.



I was trying to explain this to one of my classmates. That love is the only thing that matters (beat, beat, beat). It's the only thing that will change the world. Like, for example, you and I. We are both alone in the world, but now- I reach out and touch his arm- isn't that nice? so nice, so innocent, so good, because now there is you and there is me and we are together in the world and there isn't a damn thing better than people connecting with people because nothing else is going to change the world. but this. Nothing can touch this. Nothing can touch love. Nothing else matters. Love is unstoppable because it's unfathomable, you can't fight it because you can't scare it. how do you fight against something that sees nothing- nothing- in the whole world as more important than what it's fighting for. how do you fight something so stable that you can't mess with its head? so single minded that you can't distract it? So pure that not only can it not be tainted, but it makes beautiful everything it ever touches? so powerful that you cannot bribe it or compel it towards your will? So simple that it’s just a beat, together. It’s the only thing good enough to stand up to the bad. And it is the only thing strong enough to combat human selfishness and selfcenteredness, because it's the only thing that is strong enough to tear down walls and at the same time soft enough to creep in and come and encircle its enemy and whisper that another world is possible- a better world- and that they can be loved too.

My classmate smiled and asked if I was hitting on him. I rolled my eyes and laughed because we both knew I wasn’t, and we drank our beer and changed the subject. Beat. Beat. Beat.


tl;dr version: the ballad of love and hate by the avett brothers is my new favorite song. It moves mountains.