Editing a Dissertation

initial reading of the final draft: Ok... it needs cleaned up, but I think I made the points ok

second reading: Wow, it all sounds so trite. Maybe I should redo these sections.

third reading: This is a really crap paper. The arguments are simultaneously confusing and simplistic. I'm fairly certain a goldfish on acid could have written a better paper, and they can't even type all that well.

fourth reading: *skimming pages pretending to read*

fifth reading: I CAN'T TURN THIS IN! THIS IS THE WORST THING EVER WRITTEN! IF I TURN THIS IN I WILL BE JAILED FOR CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY!

hysterical crying on the floor ensues


first glass of wine, sixth reading: Ok. let's just calm down and try to cut our losses

second glass of wine, seventh reading: Oh... this isn't so bad. I was overreacting.

third glass of wine, eighth "reading": THIS IS THE BEST PAPER EVER! NOBODY IS AS GOOD AT ANYTHING AS I AM! you know what would make this EVEN BETTER? if I replaced the conclusion with a picture of a duck! OH man... I have such good ideas because I AM THE SMARTEST PERSON ALIVE!!!!!!!

end of bottle: make a hopscotch path through the house using the pages of my dissertation, feed the final pages to a turtle, pretend finding the conclusion is a treasure hunt.


tl;dr version: I guess I just don't understand how it's possible that no matter how much I delete, this damned dissertation just won't get any shorter.